sessho08: (y12kn)
[personal profile] sessho08
Title: The Brightest Flame
Fandom: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Pairing: Homin, Changmin-centric
Rating: G
Words: 685
A/N: Just a weird drabble that could be more but probably won't be because I don't have time. Dedicated to [ profile] curaga since she was my inspiration for this ;)

One day Changmin discovers he doesn't sleep anymore, hasn't slept for whole days already.

It's a silly realisation because how could he not have noticed before? It's true the moments he could devote for sleep have been becoming fewer and fewer recently but this, this was something else entirely. He feels fine, though.

In fact he can't quite recall when he has felt better than this. Perpetual exhaustion that he's come to consider the only certain constant in his life and a companion that never leaves him - that exhaustion is there no more. Gone with no trace.

Suddenly, he's full of life again. He's got energy for everything and since he no longer has to waste night for slumber, he's gained time to do all these things he's always meant to do, has been always promising himself he's going to take care of soon.

(He still sometimes spends his night in bed, but now it's more for the warmth of another person's body and he listens to Yunho's breathing slowly even out and he thinks and just enjoys the moment.)

People comment on how his dancing skills had improved, how he sounds better than any time in the past - the clarity of his voice gaining a fresh edge. They tease him about the brightness of his eyes, of his smile; that someone must have replaced him when they weren't looking because this easy-going joy can't be normal, can't be healthy.

The less he sleeps and the more days have passed since he's last slept, the less tired and more lively he feels. That's why he doesn't tell anyone of what's happened to him. He doesn't want to tempt the fate.

(He knows this can't be normal. He knows there must be a price like with everything to life.)

When he realises this strange vitality has been shirking at his life, it's already too late.

He's still full of vigor, he's still more energetic than ever, his efforts continue giving the best results. He feels completely fine except when he has to excuse himself and coughs up blood in the bathroom's safe solitude. Except when he starts collapsing frequently, unpredictably. When he loses weight - the brightness of his eyes and smile unchanged.

People start commenting on how sickly he's been looking lately.

"Are you sure you're alright?" "Yes, I am, don't worry." They do anyway, as he does and finally there comes a moment when he can't pretend it's all fine, he's all fine anymore.

Yunho corners him after he faints one day and almost cracks open his skull and at last, he finally confesses everything. Yunho's not happy with what he hears, no. The grip he has on Changmin's thin (oh, so thin) wrist is painful enough to bring him to tears. He starts crying, silently at first, refusing to look at Yunho and when Yunho makes him, he breaks out into bordering on hysterical sobbing.
Now it's Yunho's embrace that is threatening to break his ribs, to suffocate him and he almost wishes it really does. It seems like a better fate than he knows in his gut is awaiting him.

He's always been too stubborn.

They visit expensive clinics, make appointments at various health centers, they go to practitioners of local medicine, of old, forgotten rituals. No one can tell them what Changmin's condition is, some people don't even believe them at first.

There's never been much hope on Changmin's part, so he's not really surprised but Yunho. Yunho doesn't cope well. Anger, fear, anxiety, desperation, denial - they all take their toll on him but it's hope and love that make it the worst. They destroy him in the way all the other states didn't manage to.

Yunho starts losing sleep as well but all the usual symptoms of sleep deprivation are there and he cannot help succumbing to fits of restless slumber. Changmin lies next to him, basking in the body heat, listening to the merciless countdown of his inhales and exhales, of his steady heartbeats. Finally, on one night, lying in Yunho's arms, he falls asleep again.

Comments and criticism as always much appreciated :)

Date: 2012-04-14 02:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Wait a minute!!
Does Changmin dies in the end and that's why he is asleep?

Date: 2012-04-15 02:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes, he does. :<

Thanks for the comment.

Date: 2012-04-16 01:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That is so sad but at least Changmin is not in pain anymore.

As for Yunho, he needs to learn to let Changmin go.

Date: 2012-04-14 03:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
.... changmin finally fell asleep again, and i'm not sure if im supposed to be happy, but my heart :(
Thank you for this! Loved it, very riveting!

Date: 2012-04-15 02:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, I guess it depends on the POV? Changmin won't suffer anymore but Yunho...

Thank you for reading and commenting ♥

Date: 2012-04-14 03:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This piece goes at such a hectic pace that that peaceful last line is giving my fanboi heart strange, conflicting feelings \D; ♥

So this was an awesome thing to stumble on when I'm supposed to be dong work :D;;. I don't read much TVXQ fic, but I know this ones really going to stick with me for a while :)

Date: 2012-04-15 02:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I wrote it when I was supposed to work on a presentation :D so high five, Mr. o/ I'm really flattered you liked it, even moreso if it was an exception of sorts for you - I'm glad the fic you happened to choose didn't disappoint.

Thanks for reading and commenting ♥

Date: 2012-04-15 12:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
noooo how dare you uhuhuhuhu ; A ;♥ all you ever do is break hearts, now fix them~~ * ^ *

Date: 2012-04-15 02:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
No, no, I leave fixing to people that are actually capable of it :<

Date: 2012-04-15 02:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
so like you. when you are free? whenever. i will be. right here. waiting. for yoooooou~~ * v *

Date: 2012-04-15 02:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
and you're basing this assumption on...? XD (I wish i were :<)

so in july, lol. XD hmm, i guess i'll be writing some stuff even before my exams? but i doubt they'll be happy. see, there's still a month and a half left and i'm already killing them left and right ;A; last time, it happened only during exams, i'm getting worse and worse, nooo.

Date: 2012-04-15 02:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
substantial evidence and past experience. :D

that does seem rather long. :| you could write small happy things~ if you know, you don't think you can write long things without resisting the urge to off one of them. :|| no no you're just taking stress out on them or sth, i believe in you uhuhuhuhu * v *

Date: 2012-04-15 02:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
what, where. one chami with flowers in his hair hardly makes for a sufficient evidence.

i am taking out my stress on them. XD partly. i'm stressed outttttt and partly, there are just so many ideas that require deaths :<
but, like i said, i have some ideas that aren't that sad? but they need time to be fleshed out and there's none of it. and happy things... probably what i send you and neko is the max. XD but i want to write light, nice things. it just doesn't work :|

Date: 2012-04-15 03:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
yes. :| and you have such a pretty style, all you have to do is harvest it for good, or evil! >|

you've had happy ideas before! like the coffee au and possibly the bambi one and the petshop one? just. happy plotless pointless things! are fun! and stress relievers?? uhuhuhu if there's anything i can do to like. distract you from your stress? let me knowww uhuhuhu ; A ;♥

Date: 2012-04-15 03:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
lol, this reminded me of spider-man quote. with great power comes great responsibility, lol. mutants!homin, i've started reading this superpowers tvxq fic once but it was a WIP ;; (read: abandoned ;;)

hey, don't think i didn't see what you've done here with the coffee au. XDD we started talking about it cause of your obsession with coffee and barista!yunho. XD and if anything, it's our idea :<
the thing with happy plotless things is that i get only ideas? no words. and i need words that i could branch out from. also, silly plotless things - how do you write them, when do you stop. idk.
(I'd like to write the bambi one, tho. if i still feel it when i have time, i'd like to at least try.)

talking with you helps ♥

Date: 2012-04-15 05:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
oooo a superpowered homin fic! i'd like to see one of those ; A ;

shhhhh i have so many of those already i can totally share some with you! please take them all huhuhuhu ;; i should collect and then post them all together: The Many Times Jung Yunho owns a Cafe and Shim Changmin is Someone Else. ... and the one time changmin owns the cafe and yunho is someone else. ... and in all of them zhou mi bakes pastries lol \o/
yesssss, i totally get you! i can't write short things either, i mean, but srz bzn feelings could go here! but plot things! but i could detail every single thing they do like i normally do in my deadpan writing style!!1! uhuhuhuhu i don't get it either ''ORZ
(please do! i'm still writing my ver hehehehe)

okay ;; ♥ ♥ ♥

Date: 2012-04-15 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The way you wrote the last line made me feel at peace but then... it's supposed to be sad, so now I'm confused and I really want to cry but I can't T__T.
Changmin-ah, why are you so stupid? Why? T__T
It really breaks my heart to see them this way ):
Yunho even more so because now that Changmin is gone... he'll be lonely and probably blame himself for not finding out sooner to save Minnie from his fate ><.
I love the way you wrote this though, you made this hopeful even though it was meant to be sad. Even though Changmin was in pain, somehow I felt a little happy about it because he wasn't hurting a lot and he was happy with it, being able to do the things he wants to and he could watch Yunho sleep beside him. Everything felt so good yet so bad. I love it ^^.
I'm not sure if you get what I'm saying xD.
Just wanted to say, I love the way you wrote this! Thanks for sharing♥

Date: 2012-04-28 07:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I guess I'd say it's more tragic than anything? But it's really interesting for me that you'd say it made you feel at peace :>

This Changmin boy is far too stubborn and too dumb at times :| Also, knowing Yunho - yes, he's going to have really hard time and blame himself.

And I do get what you meant! (And again - I find it quite fascinating that you felt/thought so!)

Thanks for the lovely comment ♥


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