[fic] Shades of grey

[sessho08]

Title: Shades of grey
Fandom: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Pairing: Homin
Rating: PG-13 (or slightly higher, Idk)
Words: 439
A/N: Written in under 30 minutes yesterday night? (With a pencil, on a sheet of paper with my kanji exercises and using washing machine as a table, too.) I only wanted to note down several words but they just started flowing by themselves. Angsty - I blame the still continuing tests even though my semestral exams already ended. XD So yup~

You take him apart, analyse, search for mistakes, flaws and imperfections. You find lots and then more and assure yourself that it’s enough. It’s enough to deter you from him, to make him just the right amount of hateful that lets you perceive his touch as something unpleasant, unwanted. You dispose of his affection and of your feelings and tell yourself it’s for the better. You do not hesitate.

It’s not about ‘what will people say’. Not really. You still can’t bear the expectations, the judging gazes when his hand skims over your arm up and down, up and down, thinking he’s being so subtle, not thinking at all. Him in a pill, really. Reacting with his heart if you let him, if you let him in but you’re not planning on doing so.


You’re downright cruel sometimes and it’s needed, it’s necessary for you and him both. You know where to aim to make it hurt the most and you do, oh, you do. Precise and deliberate, you prod him with the needles of your words and then you stick them in.

He gets angry, yells, kicks the coffee table. He gets quiet, uncharacteristically silent. Detached for days to come. He allows the hurt to simmer slowly, to rise, to spill over.
You welcome it with your arms wide open, with a smile on your face that doesn’t reach your eyes.


You still grin for the camera, joke with the hosts. Not as transparent as some wish you were. Business is business, you are capable of separating it from personal matters, from irrelevant matters.


He forgives you. You detest him for that, step on his whispers of goodwill, and hopeful quirk of his lips. You destroy yet one more piece of furniture that gets thrown out right away, replaced by a newer model, something more useful, more comfortable still.

You take his outstretched hand, pepper it with light kisses, move up. You map out again the long abandoned path, sharp edges, muscular planes, soft flesh, unerringly find his lips. Clothes are shed, limbs get tangled, hours wasted away on sweat, pain and exhilarating pleasure.


You bite into the palm of your hand, careful not to clench your teeth too hard, you don’t want to leave marks. You swallow against the prickling in your eyes, turn away from his sprawled out sleeping form, move to the edge of the bed. Somehow you can’t rise and stand up and walk away.

A slight unintelligible murmur sounds from him and it could be everything but you hear your name in it.


It’s these moments that you hate him the most.

Comments and critique as always appreciated~ ♥

Comments

[shat-private.livejournal.com]

Ohhh... angst. T__T And my first HoMin! You should be ashamed of yourself! xD
But seriously - I really enjoyed reading it. It was sad and painful, but still very nice.

[thier-sess.livejournal.com]

Idk, I feel like there's a comment about taking your Homin virginity waiting to be made XD

And if anything, I'm proud of myself ;p


Anyway, I'm glad you liked it! <3 Despite it being a Homin fic and whatnot~ Thanks for reading, dear!

[shat-private.livejournal.com]

You took away my innocence! xD

You're evil.

I really did. ^^ So... are you writing anything new? xD Or do I have to raid your masterpost? xP

[thier-sess.livejournal.com]

Well, to be more precise you gave it up to me. Voluntarily, too. XD

I'm wonderful.

I have this one (3k words long) fic already written but I'm not sure when I'm going to post it. But in my case there's usually no "writing a fic", it's almost always "wrote", so everything's in the masterpost. :) If you're interested~ Granted, it's mostly Homin. XD Tho I do have some more gen pieces.

[zeldas.livejournal.com]

He forgives you. You detest him for that, step on his whispers of goodwill, and hopeful quirk of his lips.

ahhh, ♥.

(obviously i want the word count to be triple in size, like i do with everything with you, but not here. it's just enough and fitting for an angsty ficlet. and title! :D subtle and varying as our cruel someone here, i see.)

[satoshiice.livejournal.com]

that was painful to read but at the same time so gorgeous....I can imagine this from being changmin's point of view....but seriously it sent shivers down my spine....

[glitterburn.livejournal.com]

I'm not a fan of 2nd person POV and rarely go out of my way to read it, but I was curious, and I'm glad I read this. It's very sharp and beautiful, and yes, painful, but it's also pretty much how I see Changmin's conflict towards his feelings for Yunho. You say a lot in relatively few words, yet packed into that are acres of longing and fear and anger that's turned outwards rather than inwards. I feel for them both here. Beautiful.

[buzbean.livejournal.com]

denial min or he's just not ready to settle for this?
totally can imagine it being Min's POV

[isaofdoom.livejournal.com]

HDU. GIVE ME ALL THESE FEELS. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT TRAGIC ROMANCE. ; A ;

omg but but, how are you so poignant with so few words. and, changmin. changmin, what do i do, i want to throttle you. ; A ; well, this was sort of heart breaking. ; A ;♥

[thier-sess.livejournal.com]

It's not me, it's my uni! I'm innocent! ;A; ...At least this time my exams didn't need fictional bloodspill? XD That's a progress! And one day, one day I'll manage to write something actually happy all around.


And you're too niceeeee. Idek what to say back :< Thank you and sorry, I guess? ;; (But don't throttle poor Changmin - this Min would welcome it ;;)


♥

[thier-sess.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, a bit of both, I'd say? And then still more.

And I'm glad to hear it sounded like him. :)

Thank you for reading and commenting!

[thier-sess.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It's also nice to hear I managed to portray Min in a way that made the POV recognisable. :)

[thier-sess.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading and commenting~ I'm glad you enjoyed this and that I could deliver you a piece in your favourite genre ;)

[thier-sess.livejournal.com]

♥

You flatterer ♥ But no, you don't know how happy this comment made me. And I'm relieved regarding the title, too. I tried to find something suitable but wasn't really that certain (read: wasn't certain at all XD) if this one would work.
And I sure hope you mean dear 茶様 here. XD

(♥)

[thier-sess.livejournal.com]

I'm really flattered by this comment, ngl. Even moreso if you normally tend to avoid fics written from 2nd person POV. Tbh, I'm not that big of a fan of it in other people's works either but somehow I often end up using it in my own fics. XD Especially in cases of sudden inspiration as this one was.
(But now you got me curious as to what was the cause of your curiosity? Was it something like 'ah, it's her'? XD)


Anyway, you're way too kind with your words. ;; You don't know how much they mean ♥ And how really, really overjoyed glad am I that you enjoyed this.

Thank you for reading and commenting!


(And sorry if you get this twice - LJ's misbehaving.)

[lexlovesvanilla.livejournal.com]

Simply beautiful! Very obviously Changmin's mind. You do not disappoint ;) Somehow, I can imagine this being the closest idea to what the HoMin couple are in real life. Amazingly written, painfully sad but a joy to read <3

[glitterburn.livejournal.com]

2nd person POV rarely works for me except in a handful of instances, and this is definitely one of them. IMO it lends itself to short but deep introspective pieces where there needs to be a sense of detachment because otherwise the emotion from 1st person or deep 3rd would be overwhelming or confusing. That's what I got from this piece - it's beautifully balanced.

Yep, it was the old 'name recognition' thing that made me click the link! :D

When does LJ ever behave, that is one of life's big questions...

[thier-sess.livejournal.com]

So I even have some standards to uphold? XD

Thank you for you kind words! I'm glad you found this portrayal to be realistic and that you enjoyed this fic. :) (But it is quite sad when people say they can imagine them really being like that, I guess? It'd be heartbreaking.)

[lexlovesvanilla.livejournal.com]

you uphold them well!
and it IS sad. but its also love :')