[fic] Standing up once again
May. 6th, 2011 10:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sessho08Title: Standing up once again
Fandom: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Pairing: Homin, sort of
Rating: G
Words: 744
A/N: Just something that refused to leave my mind for sometime. Partly inspired by Yunho's participation in 'Kiss&Cry' but not really directly related to it.
You don’t have to push him, no, he does it best himself. Confidence in his honed skills, evident in the fluidity of his moves, in the way he trusts his hard work to pay off. Confident in his unrelenting conviction that it’s not enough, it never is.
And sure, mistakes happen, he understands, he never berates you for them (not more than you actually deserve, than you do it yourself). We’re all just humans, take it easy and try again, and what’s beautiful that he truly believes in what he preaches. Those are not just empty words for him. Mishaps do occur and it’s all normal and forgivable unless it’s him.
You wonder sometimes at how selfish is his selflessness.
You admire him for all that effort he puts into everything. (You’re prone to denial but in moments of truthfulness you do admit to yourself that you still look up to him a bit more than it’s completely healthy, that you never quite stopped.)
You hate him for thinking that his efforts and the results they bring are more worthful than he himself.
You want to shake him sometimes, tell him to get a grip on himself (or maybe – to loosen it a little so it doesn’t leave such bruises in its wakes) but you never do. You’re not really in a position to do so. You’ve always said this in interviews and it’s true – how similar both of you are at the core – your beliefs, convictions and much more – but what you’ve failed to ever mention is how it’s not really all roses.
Sometimes you see too much of yourself in him and it disgruntles you. (It scares you.)
It’s almost funny in a way – a pot and a kettle, a little too broken and chipped at the edges but still too useful to be thrown away. (Never useful enough.)
The ugly suspicion (only not really, it’s more of a fact) sits heavily on your chest so you don’t really scold him too much when he takes it a step too far. You join him instead. Long hours always passing too quickly, never enough time.
And yet, he still doesn’t give up on trying to make you take more frequent breaks, not to follow in his footsteps too closely. Only it’s too late, and you both know it even if he still refuses to acknowledge it. It’s a closed circle, his efforts once again turning out fruitless, spinning him into even more motion.
You’ve been resting idle for far too long and once you’ve gained this impetus, neither of you can seem to come to a halt.
The clock ticks away indifferently, measuring the time you’ve already irrevocably lost and the time you can’t afford to waste anymore.
Just one more time, the words don’t quite leave his lips (pressed in a line too tight - with fatigue, aching limbs, stress and never enough sleep) but you read them anyway, reflected in his eyes.
(Forever so expressive, so exquisite. They don’t crinkle often with such uninhibited laugh anymore and it’s not okay, not by a long shot, but yours don’t either and it’s just one more thing that has changed, that you have learned to live with.)
Just one more time, so he can tell himself that, at the very least, he had tried. (He never does.)
And really, the chasm is still too wide, too omnipresent, the screams still too deafening (not deafening enough), the rope that cuts into yours and his hands too thin and threatening to break in half.
You learn anew how it feels to have cameras following you everywhere, to have eyes scrutinizing every your move. (They never really disappeared but the illusion that they did when you started questioning them, him, yourself, all those years stretching into forever that passed in a blink of an eye, sometimes has a too strong hold on you.)
It’s a futile task – striving to rise up to all those expectations – but it doesn’t stop you from trying. (He’s even less deterred.)
It’s alright, dongsaeng. It will be. You’re doing fine. And - it happens - when your voice breaks on an nth high note this week, when you stumble slightly on stage.
And - I’m sorry - when it’s him. Your ‘don’t worry’ unheard. (Not quite needed but not quite unwanted either.)
Just one more push and then yet one more. (Until he finally breaks and takes you down with him.)
Comments and criticism are really appreciated. :)
Ah, I dislike the title.
Fandom: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Pairing: Homin, sort of
Rating: G
Words: 744
A/N: Just something that refused to leave my mind for sometime. Partly inspired by Yunho's participation in 'Kiss&Cry' but not really directly related to it.
You don’t have to push him, no, he does it best himself. Confidence in his honed skills, evident in the fluidity of his moves, in the way he trusts his hard work to pay off. Confident in his unrelenting conviction that it’s not enough, it never is.
And sure, mistakes happen, he understands, he never berates you for them (not more than you actually deserve, than you do it yourself). We’re all just humans, take it easy and try again, and what’s beautiful that he truly believes in what he preaches. Those are not just empty words for him. Mishaps do occur and it’s all normal and forgivable unless it’s him.
You wonder sometimes at how selfish is his selflessness.
You admire him for all that effort he puts into everything. (You’re prone to denial but in moments of truthfulness you do admit to yourself that you still look up to him a bit more than it’s completely healthy, that you never quite stopped.)
You hate him for thinking that his efforts and the results they bring are more worthful than he himself.
You want to shake him sometimes, tell him to get a grip on himself (or maybe – to loosen it a little so it doesn’t leave such bruises in its wakes) but you never do. You’re not really in a position to do so. You’ve always said this in interviews and it’s true – how similar both of you are at the core – your beliefs, convictions and much more – but what you’ve failed to ever mention is how it’s not really all roses.
Sometimes you see too much of yourself in him and it disgruntles you. (It scares you.)
It’s almost funny in a way – a pot and a kettle, a little too broken and chipped at the edges but still too useful to be thrown away. (Never useful enough.)
The ugly suspicion (only not really, it’s more of a fact) sits heavily on your chest so you don’t really scold him too much when he takes it a step too far. You join him instead. Long hours always passing too quickly, never enough time.
And yet, he still doesn’t give up on trying to make you take more frequent breaks, not to follow in his footsteps too closely. Only it’s too late, and you both know it even if he still refuses to acknowledge it. It’s a closed circle, his efforts once again turning out fruitless, spinning him into even more motion.
You’ve been resting idle for far too long and once you’ve gained this impetus, neither of you can seem to come to a halt.
The clock ticks away indifferently, measuring the time you’ve already irrevocably lost and the time you can’t afford to waste anymore.
Just one more time, the words don’t quite leave his lips (pressed in a line too tight - with fatigue, aching limbs, stress and never enough sleep) but you read them anyway, reflected in his eyes.
(Forever so expressive, so exquisite. They don’t crinkle often with such uninhibited laugh anymore and it’s not okay, not by a long shot, but yours don’t either and it’s just one more thing that has changed, that you have learned to live with.)
Just one more time, so he can tell himself that, at the very least, he had tried. (He never does.)
And really, the chasm is still too wide, too omnipresent, the screams still too deafening (not deafening enough), the rope that cuts into yours and his hands too thin and threatening to break in half.
You learn anew how it feels to have cameras following you everywhere, to have eyes scrutinizing every your move. (They never really disappeared but the illusion that they did when you started questioning them, him, yourself, all those years stretching into forever that passed in a blink of an eye, sometimes has a too strong hold on you.)
It’s a futile task – striving to rise up to all those expectations – but it doesn’t stop you from trying. (He’s even less deterred.)
It’s alright, dongsaeng. It will be. You’re doing fine. And - it happens - when your voice breaks on an nth high note this week, when you stumble slightly on stage.
And - I’m sorry - when it’s him. Your ‘don’t worry’ unheard. (Not quite needed but not quite unwanted either.)
Just one more push and then yet one more. (Until he finally breaks and takes you down with him.)
Comments and criticism are really appreciated. :)
